Gas Pains

Tom grew up in Milwaukee, bartended in Wauwatosa in the '70s and moved here in 1984.

Commentary, observations and musings about the outdoors, life in general and maybe Tosa politics and personalities will be the order of the day. He savors a lively debate as much as terrific cooking.

WARNING: Adult Reading

Adult Entertainment, Road Trips, Roadside Curiosities, Strange But True

WARNING:  This post has adult content.  If you are under the age of 18 or have delicate sensibilities read no further!  Close this tab.  Close the browser on your phone.  Run.  Run for your life.

One of the fun things about the art of the road trip is taking-in all of the roadside curiosities.  For instance consider the average road-killed raccoon.  While some of you may have minds that wander from recipes to disgust I can tell you for a fact that I have almost a zero-tolerance policy for raccoons.  Raccoons not only crap in my deer stands and raid my garden - they also prey upon valuable ground-nesting song birds.  When I'm at the farm I always carry a trusty .22 caliber Browning Buckmark pistol.  Any raccoon I encounter is likely to suffer from sudden-onset lead poisoning.  On my last road trip I counted close to four dozen raccoons along the side of the road.  All in various stages of rigor mortis.  I shed no tears for them.  But that's not the subject at hand.

When navigating the interstate you'd practically have to close your eyes to not take notice of all of the fireworks outlet stores, adult superstores and adult-themed boutiques.  If we restrict our discussion to just the porn side of the equation why are so many establishments peddling adult content associated with truck stops?  Is the libido of a long haul trucker substantively unique?  I'm no prude, but would not a large nationally-branded trucking company have a policy prohibiting the parking of their rigs in the shadow of one of these joints?  Why do so many them look like a second hand construction trailer or a former Stuckey's with a new paint job?  And why are so many of them named The Lion's Den?  They seem to be ubiquitous.  Anecdotally, it would seem that more of them are located in states that are situated in what is known as America's Bible Belt.  Why is this?  Is this a sign of the further fraying of the fabric of society and the coming zombie apocalypse? 

This subject raises all sorts of questions that cry out for answers.  The staff here at Gas Pains is going to embrace and  take a stab at this subject and attempt to answer them.

As for the location of adult video and superstores in or adjacent to truck stops an in-depth perusing of trucking message boards reveals the obvious.  Truckers have to park somewhere.  Furthermore, it would appear that long hours behind the wheel, greasy truck stop food and inactivity can lead to lower testosterone levels and a reduced sex drive.  Truckers may actually have a much lower libido than others so I'll let my readers mull-over any possible correlation they might imagine.  Gas Pains research checked the top-rated trucking companies in the US including such names as CH Robinson, Schneider, Saia Motor Freight, Werner and JB Hunt and failed to identify any company policy discouraging drivers from lay-ups associated with adult entertainment locations.  Therefore, this question remains unanswered.  Clues lead to the conclusion that the Lion's Den may very well be a franchise business opportunity.  One that offers good paying jobs with full benefits, including a 401-K plan.  The only way to know for sure is to make an online inquiry at their website.  And I'm not volunteering.  Finally, while inconclusive on the subject of the number of roadside establishments pitching porn - Gallup's annual survey concludes that the deep south leads the country in the consumption of raunchy adult content.  Correlation?  You decide.

In closing I would like to remind my readers that while running at 70 miles per hour down the highway you should never text while driving.  Furthermore, keep your eyes on the road and not on establishments that provide truck turnarounds....



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